Sunday, September 21, 2008

WA-1 Draft 2

WA-1 Draft 2 Emotional Release Essay: By Leah Paschal

Last fall I had the opportunity of going to Italy with my dad on his business trip. I had always wanted to travel, especially out of this country. I can remember the day when my dad whispered in my ear, “Do you want to go to Italy with me?”. It was a late Saturday morning and of course I was sleeping in. But, I was enough awake that I could hear what he said. You’d think that I’d jump right out of bed and start packing, but I was extremely hesitant.
I was still half asleep when thousands of thoughts started racing through my head, “What if I get sick right before we leave, or while I’m there?”, “I hate airports”, “What if I get food poisoning?”, “What if I get lost?”, “What if some creep talks to me or tries to take my cash?”. I felt so stressed already and I hadn’t even gotten my passport or plane ticket. Stressed and obligated. I couldn’t say no, I mean who would pass up an offer like that. So what to do? I figured that I’d think of something after a little more sleep.
I decided that I needed a passport anyway, for future trips with my family or the school orchestra. But once I was waiting for like two hours to get the dumb thing, I realized that I really did want to go, and that was that. I received my passport in the mail and my dad bought the extra plane tickets.
The night before takeoff, I was sweating bullets. I had never felt so nervous or anxious about anything ever in my life. “I’m going to forget something!” kept flashing before my eyes. I thought, just wait until morning, that’s when I will really need the antacids. But surprisingly, the only emotion I felt was sadness, because I had never left home for more than a weekend. It wasn’t a homesick feeling, but one of being plucked out of my natural environment and put into one whose language I didn’t even know. But I just sucked it up, kissed my mom goodbye, wiped away my tear and went into the airport to await my plane. The waiting wasn’t horrible at all because there was free wireless Internet, and we just happened to bring our Mac Book.
From the time that I got onto the airplane to the time I stepped off onto Italian grounds, my heart was filled with much more than relief. I was so pumped up and enthusiastic because I would soon discover things that I hadn’t even dreamt of. I wanted so badly for that bus to take my dad and I away to our five-star hotel. It was amazing enough that we were in this country, but to be apart of this kind of royal treatment, just blew me away. This was feeling intense and I felt like my heart was trying to rip through my chest with excitement. Finally we were on the bus with my dad’s other colleagues and were headed toward our hotel in Taromina. Luckily I didn’t puke my guts out because the driver had too much fun dodging traffic in a one-way area. To add to my nausea, we were driving in curves around these small mountains and hills. Just before opening the window to relieve myself, the building became present.
I ran straight off the bus, into the lobby, and was so awestruck by the interior of this room I just floated back on the most comfortable chair and starred literally with my mouth open. I thought, “ This is just the lobby, what could my room possibly look like?” I was filled with so much anticipation of this new place. My dad and I took the luggage up to the room and I ran to my bed and laid there in disbelief. This room looked as though it was cut from a section of the lobby and placed in this very spot. I walked over to the tall doors to the balcony and opened them in high spirits. I looked over the edge. The most beautiful landscape that flowed with a deep blue ocean scattered with rocky hills and vegetation filled my eyes. The swift breeze made the hairs of my arms stand up, and created a chill of warmth throughout my body. I sought to see more of this magnificence in the town. I hadn’t slept in a day, yet I felt this overpowering energy come over me when I realized that I could explore this area whenever I wanted, even without my dad. I was ready to see the unseen and I was definitely set to relax in this resort-like hotel. I felt a compelling vibe to experience this new culture and environment.

1 comment:

Ms. Wiesner said...

Rather than "of going" use "to go" in the first sentence.

You don't need the period here, “Do you want to go to Italy with me?”.

I like the honesty with the self questioning about the trip. I think we all do that.

Expand here: "But once I was waiting for like two hours to get the dumb thing, I realized that I really did want to go, and that was that." Show us you waiting and thinking about the trip.

A detail that is missing in the beginning is how long you will be in Italy with your dad. Also, where in Italy you are going.

I love the detail about the antacids. So true. I never went anywhere without them on my trips this summer.

You can take out the beginning of this sentence, "his was feeling intense and I felt like my heart was trying to rip through my chest with excitement. "

You mean you saw the hotel? "Just before opening the window to relieve myself, the building became present. "

Good ending.